Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
