So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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