shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
