atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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