and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
