The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
