btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
