He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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