i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
