i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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