I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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