That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
