i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
