Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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