at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
