I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
