Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
