If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
