Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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