sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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