Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
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I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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