wanna go halves on a baby?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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