Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize