he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
