We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
