This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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