Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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