I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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