so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
