Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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