sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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