I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
