wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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