im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
