whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
