I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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