Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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