is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
