remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
