ya dads aren't the best wingmen
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
