Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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