i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
