Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
