I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This is my gift to your gina
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
