guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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