Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
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She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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