Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
