Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
