I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
