Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
