Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
