I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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