a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize