it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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