Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
