After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
