i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
