Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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