If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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