He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
